3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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