i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
