We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize