I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
