So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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