I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
