And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
