the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My ass is underappreciated
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
