i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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