so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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