"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I cannot find my penis.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
