I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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