dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
