went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
