after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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