i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
