she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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