i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He felt like a one man threesome
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
