i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
