ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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