I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Pooping to opera.
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