Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
