Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
