she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
