I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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