I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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