Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
