Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
