Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
