seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
