It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
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