I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize