i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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