Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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