nut hugger
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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