maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
