you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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