he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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