Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
