Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
