I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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