It's Friday. Sex?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
