I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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