woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
