I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
