I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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