he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
false alarm. still invincible.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
