I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
