just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize