I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
