Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize