I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
