So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
