She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
