Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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