I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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