hell yes lets make some ravioli
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
