GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize