Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
they're like a gay fantastic four
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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