I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
