well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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