He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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