There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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