i don't like sucking hair
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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