In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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