I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
